Unhealthy caretaking, can sometimes be categorized as what I call, “saviour energy”. To be a saviour is to take responsibility for others while neglecting responsibility for ourselves.
If we feel overly responsible for others feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort, and destiny, we may be unhealthy caretakers. We may buy into the belief that others are responsible for our happiness, and therefore we are responsible for theirs.
Yes! Being a considerate, loving, nurturing person is important.
But unhealthy caretaking is neglecting ourselves to the point of feeling victimized. Unhealthy caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper their own personal learning; where they learn to take responsibility for themselves (yes, this applies to our children if we are a parent).
Unhealthy caretaking is not sustainable. At the end of the day it is detrimental to others (even our children). It hurts other people; it hurts us. People get angry. They feel hurt, used, and victimized: So do we.
Choosing to take responsibility for ourselves is one of the kindest acts we can offer to others.
Being true to yourself is the most beneficial act you can perform: It lets others take responsibility for themselves. Note: this may be very stressful at first but if you “pause” and wait to see what happens, you will find that others will pull up their boot straps and be resourceful.